What can I do if someone is flirting with my spouse

In a very sexually oriented culture, flirting is often viewed as insignificant, even among Christians. The Bible clearly calls Christians to a higher level of relationships and actions than what is normative in the culture.

It is important to remember that relationships are not competitive events. Relationships are built on the strength of commitment and covenant. Married couples need to regularly discuss and evaluate the status of their relationship.

I would encourage settings that lend themselves to private and intimate conversation. Gary Smalley and John Trent say in The Keys to Growing in Love that "Meaningful touching outside the bedroom can light sparks in a marriage, and meaningful communication can fan the flames."

It has been the caution of my wife that has often preserved me from becoming entangled in something not healthy or with someone who has ulterior motives. It is important to remember that pastors are often seen as people with leadership power, so they are attractive to some people. Because pastors usually respond with compassion, individuals may transfer feelings of love to a pastor even when the pastor has been very innocent. A pastor who is caught in this situation will need to establish very careful boundaries.

This is a critical situation for everyone involved. The pastor, the spouse and the one flirting are all making very important life decisions. This needs to be addressed prayerfully and openly with accountability built in to the dynamics.