What should I do if my spouse is addicted to pornography?

This is a very complicated question because it touches all facets of the relationship. Here are a few general guidelines:

Remember it is not about you. It involves you only because your spouse has made a tragic choice. You are not to blame nor should you carry shame. Unfortunately, false guilt and responsibility has been placed on the spouse in the past. Do not let that happen.

Establish boundaries. The addict needs help. A line needs to be drawn so the behavior is not perceived as acceptable. It may demand tough love to establish and maintain the lines.

Find a support network. It might be a mentor, friend, another spouse of a pastor, a support group or a counselor who will provide confidentiality as well as insight. This network is not always easy to establish when you live in the parsonage. Prayerfully approach people you feel will provide godly counsel.

Be supportive of your spouse's recovery. Your spouse really needs someone beside yourself to hold him accountable. Be sure that you have a line of open communication with those who are helping your husband accountable. Pray together about the issue.

Do not ignore any reoccurrence of the addictive behavior. Be very careful to confront your spouse about any changes in actions that might indicate a return to previous behavior or a neglect of the accountability support network developed for recovery.